Jokes + Present Continuous

1

The police are looking for a man with one eye called Smith.

What’s his other eye called?

2

Tell the passengers that I have both good news and bad news for them.

What’s the good news?

We are flying in perfect weather and we are making excellent time.

And what’s the bad news?

We’re lost.

3

Is that your nose or are you just eating a banana?

4

It is Paul’s first day at his new school.

Excuse me, young man, but are you chewing gum?

No, sir. I’m Paul Welsh.

5

Two sisters are in bed together.

Are you asleep?

I’m not telling you.

6

Come out of the water. Swimming is not allowed here.

But I’m not swimming, officer. I’m drowning.

7

What is the difference between a post box and an elephant?

I don’t know.

Well, I’m not giving you this letter to post!

8

A small boy is standing next to an escalator. He is looking at the handrail.

Is there something wrong? Asks a shop assistant.

No. I’m just waiting for my chewing gum to come back.

9

A man is having a meal in a restaurant.

Waiter, this meat is very tough. What is it?

The problem isn’t the meat, sir. You’re trying to eat the plate.

10

Why is your cat looking at me?

Probably because you’re using its bowl.