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Play upon words

1

- So you're just back from your holiday. Feel any change?
- Not a penny.

2

Doctor: How is the boy who swallowed the dollar?
Nurse: No change yet.

3

Diner: Do you serve crabs here?
Waiter: We serve anyone - sit down.

4

- I went to a hotel for a change and a rest.
- Did you get it?
- The bellboy got the change and the hotel got the rest.

5

Prisoner: The judge sent me here for the rest of my life.
Prison guard: Have you got any complaints?
Prisoner: Do you call breaking rock with a hammer a rest?

6

- Did the doctor treat you?
- No, he charged me ten dollars.

7

- Will you join me?
- Why, are you coming apart?

8

- What's the matter with your finger?
- I hit the wrong nail.

9

One day a painter, looking out of the window, saw an old countryman going by and thought the man would make a good subject for a picture. So he sent out his servant to tell the old man that his master would like to paint him. The old man hesitated and asked what the painter would pay him.

The painter said he would give him a pound. The man still hesitated.

"Come on," said the painter, "it's an easy way to earn a pound."

"Oh, I know that," he answered. "I was only wondering how I should get the paint off afterwards."

10

A city boy was visiting his cousin on the farm. Walking through the pasture one day, he heard the buzz of a rattlesnake and went over to investigate.

"Come away from there?" His cousin shouted. "Don't you know when you go near a rattlesnake he strikes?"

"My goodness!" exclaimed the city boy. "Have they got a union too?"

11

At Christmas time every girl wants her past forgotten and her present remembered.

12

"I love thee still," said the quiet husband to the chattering wife.
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